ESSAY FOR DISCUSSING ,1 TOPIC FOR EACH 2 WEEKS

[bebibeou]

hi everybody
I hope all of you join this new topic enthusiastically
If each of you share your own idea for this topic,that'll make a perfect essay.I find it useful for your essay at school
First topic for this week is :
* Some body like to live in the city. Others like country life. Which one do you like ???

 

[càphêkhôngđường]

I think that living in the city or living in the country all has advantages and disadvantages.
Living in the city, you have many chances to get good job with high salary, you can study abroad easily. In addition, you will have good entertainment such as theater, cinema,ect. To live in the city, you can widden your knowledge with technology and science. However, you don't have fresh air and always stand pollution.
Living in the country side, you can breath fesh air. It' s good for your health! You can also see sunset in the evening.

But I like to have country life. :cowboy:

 

[Thamiel]

My comments:: although I'm not very good at English but I have some advices for you:

1. Plz check your essay (or every thing you've written) carefully, try to avoid some mistakes like missing words, or the way of using words.
<div class='quotetop'>Trích dẫn</div>

Living in the country side, you can breath fresh air.[/b]

2. Your body must support your conclusion, or your main opinion. As I see, your arguements about the benefits of living in the city in the body are stronger than argumentsof the country. So your conclusion does not suitable to what you have written.

3. Pz avoid repeat. That seem to be unusual and waste of time.
<div class='quotetop'>Trích dẫn</div>

However, you don't have fresh air and always stand pollution.
Living in the country side, you can breath fresh air.[/b]

4. Plz leave blank between your paragraph because my vision it's not good at all.
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Well, that just my ideas about what have you written. It's maybe wrong but don't get it wrong, I don't want to show up after all.

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My essay
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Living in cities has their own benefits but also has lots of disadvantages as well.

Cities are where the industry have grown. So, obviously cities's environment will be badly affected. Smogs from cars, motocycles and in fact, factories have led to the air pollution. Moreover, the air polution may probably cause some diseases which shorten human's life; for example: lungs's cancer. Furthermore, the foods in cities are not good for health after all, they would cause illnesses like cancer too. So, consequently, living in cities may affect your health in negative way.

I don't like to live in countries neither

Although country has no pollution but it has a terrible life: no technology, bad education and bad living condition. Roads are dirty, lots of "excrements" on the roads. If you're stress, you can't go to cinema, ot theatre, to relax. Furthermore, the electricity network at countryside is terribleso obviously you can't using your television or your computer probably.

At the conclusion, I think that living in cities, or countries, have their own disadvantages so where people want to live, it's depends on them. Me, I have no idea about living in cities nor countries.
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Well that my own opinion. I have a balanced view and I mostly wrote about disadvantages of both place of living. It's seem that I'm not an interesting pupil
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[This essay has lot of mistakes, plz correct it if you want to. Feel free, I am not a monster ]

 

[Thamiel]

My question is who's going to correct these? I think there will be lots, lots of mistakes, and errors.

 

[littleboy_vn88]

Okie ! Let me correct.

- Living in cities has their own benefits but also has lots of disadvantages as well.

>>> Living in cities has their own benefits but also lots of disadvantages as well.

- Cities are where the industry have grown.

>>> Cities are where the industry has grown.

-At the conclusion, I think that living in cities, or countries, have their own disadvantages so where people want to live, it's depends on them. Me, I have no idea about living in cities nor countries.
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Well that my own opinion. I have a balanced view and I mostly wrote about disadvantages of both place of living. It's seem that I'm not an interesting pupil

>>>At the conclusion, I think that living in cities, or countries, have their own disadvantages so where people want to live, it depends on them. Me, I have no idea about living in cities nor countries.
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Well that my own opinion. I have a balanced view and I mostly wrote about disadvantages of both place of living. It seems that I'm not an interesting pupil

Is it right ?

 

[Thamiel]

You have missed one shot , the last sentence:
[This essay has lot of mistakes, plz correct it if you want to. Feel free, I am not a monster ]
Should be>>[This essay has lots of mistakes, plz correct it if you want to. Feel free, I am not a monster ]
Whatever, thank you very much

 

[littleboy_vn88]

LOL ! Just coz u told me to correct ur essay .and i didnt think the last sentence was in ur essay .

 

[benjamin]

<div class='quotetop'>Trích dẫn</div>

your conclusion does not suitable to what you have written.
[/b]

you are supposed to use "suit" in this case or "is not" instead of "does not"

<div class='quotetop'>Trích dẫn</div>

It's maybe wrong but don't get it wrong
[/b]

Now there's nothing wrong with this one. Just that i've never seen people write it your way. Right here, I think it should be "It may be wrong but don't get it wrong", if you wanna use "maybe", i think you should say: "maybe it's wrong, but don't get it wrong"

<div class='quotetop'>Trích dẫn</div>

I don't like to live in countries neither
[/b]

i believe it's "either" not "neither"

<div class='quotetop'>Trích dẫn</div>

because my vision it's not good at all
[/b]

i believe it should be "my vision is not good at all"

<div class='quotetop'>Trích dẫn</div>

obviously you can't using your television or your computer probably.
[/b]

If you already have "obviously" in your sentence, don't put "probably" in there, because they contradict each other. That makes the whole thing turns out nonsense. Plus it's supposed to be "can't use" not "can't using"

Besides, you use too many "Furthermore" and some other unescessary fansy words.

There are still a lot of detail mistakes that i saw (such as "polution" with double "L"s), but i don't think that that's important because even native English speakers usually make those mistakes too.

native folks make a bunch of mistakes both in speaking and in writing every single day in their life actually, and we do too. So, seriously, stop wasting your time correcting each other. You guys are just making more mistakes trying to fix other people's words. If you guys read what you wrote carefully, you will probably find many more basic mistakes, i guess at least half a dozen.

I think you correct each other just for the sake of correcting and showing up.

Well actually it's about a dozen, not half a dozen

 

[benjamin]

P.S.:
i don't think people use "pupil" as "student" in their daily conversation anymore. I find it really funny when middle school, high school and even college kids just keep calling themselves "pupils". That word is more widely understood as the black area in your eye, in the middle of the iris. I only see that word as "student" in old movies and old text books.

 

[Thamiel]

I agree that "pupil" is an old fashion (

; however, I like to use this world . I don't know why but I think that I was trained to use that world since I was 10 .
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About my mistakes....absolutely nothing to say . I think that I've said that I'm not very good at English, especially writting. I just have confident on my speaking and listenning

 

[ThachThao]

that's tough question
I think I like to live in suburban 'cuz it's not really noisy and crowded like city, and it's not really freaking boring like countryside. It's kinda in the middle. If I want to have fun, I can go to city and then come back to mah home sweet home and enjoy the quiet environment. If I want to have a picnic or want to relax a lil bit, enjoy some fresh air, I can go to countryside and enjoy the beautiful natural view.

 

[Thamiel]

uh......more formal plz?

 

[sahara]

<div class='quotetop'>Trích dẫn</div>

uh......more formal plz?[/b]

oh man, I know that you want to corrrect people 's mistakes just because you want to buid up this topic better but please use more some " polite sentence " ' cause what you did just make others feel not confident in themselves, just buid this topic by your own complete essay, ok ?Anyway , don 't think that I "teach" you because I 'm not older than you (may be) or good as every one here . Ihope to see your own

 

[Thamiel]

Well, essay, for me, must be formal. If you want to speak, or to write, naturally, comfortably, there is a topic for that.
I don't think you could teach me and I didn't think you are teaching me beacuse I am teaching you

 

[horsebright32]

<div class='quotetop'>Trích dẫn(bebibeou @ Jun 18 2006, 04:05 PM) [snapback]53792[/snapback]</div>

hi everybody
I hope all of you join this new topic enthusiastically
If each of you share your own idea for this topic,that'll make a perfect essay.I find it useful for your essay at school
First topic for this week is :
* Some body like to live in the city. Others like country life. Which one do you like ???
[/b]

At first, I definitely claim that I'm not good at English and I also admit that my English grammar has never reached to advanced level, so I'd like to join this topic to try all my best to improve it.
It is usually said that living in the city is more comfortable ang convenient in view of its modern sights with high buildings and well-dressed people, including emigrants and foreign visitors. Right, no one can deny all benefits that the commercial center brings to us. Well, looking back, what do we receive from the city or exactly government now? Is that the changing advanced-education, fantastic concerts or terrific entertainment, more great apartments and especially our bright future? The only problem that makes many peolpe have to think is just social problems for instance. It consists of air and noise pollution, kidnapping or murdering and drug problems. Anyway, this reduces the beauty of the modern city like HCMC.
Living in the countryside is not only demanding but lack of quite a few things as well such as fresh water, less money or not quality products. Nevertheless, it has fresh air and peaceful atmosphere. Therefore, it makes urban peole like us calm and quiet. But sooner or later, the outback will be rapidly modernized and industrialized because of replacing with factories and villas.
Actually, it's hard to answer that which one we like most. In the city, we have more chances to develop or reach to the world, we can easily expand our knowledge of anything by using any means of communication. And in the countryside, we have more fresh air and empty space to relax or look back on our childhood...
Eventually, either living in the city or countryside is really necessary and important in our lifetime. Both make us reach to the outstanding growth. Er, let me think, we'd better arrange our time so as to realise that what overjoyed things in the city or the countryside life.

 

[huynhnguyen]

Hi, Miss bebibeou,

I really like this topic, I think there is no need for everyone to tell people thier weakness before adding their

essay. My thought is the neccessary thing is everyone should feel confident about themselves when making

their works.

But after all,

I should be very grateful if Miss Bebibeou could let me show a new writting topic :

How do you think about the library system in our country (generally speaking), and in Bui Thi Xuan High

School (particularly speaking); furthermore, show me your point of view if you can put forward some

solution of innovation, or modernization.

Thank you.

huynhnguyen

I am an arrogant boy hunting for knowledge !!!

 

[horsebright32]

The way I see it that the library system in our country has still not developed. Every student need a card to go to national library and almost them has not been equiped what we need like Internet for free using. I hope our library system will be getting more and more modern and convenient place where every student study and explore their knowledge...
I have no idea about BTX's library. It's comfortable and quiet enough for students to study or even do homeworks at anytime!^_^
More books, more newspapers and magazines, more computers and printers and in particular more contribution will be the solution for all of this!

 

[poonpoon_lam]

Many people think that living in the city is worse, because of its environment. Basically, that's also based on which country you are living. For example, if you are living in Vietnam. The modern city like HCMC is polluted. But if you are living in U.S, it's quite diffirent. Maybe city will be more polluted than suburb, but it's not very much. Seriously, the city just be most polluted in the downtown, and in the place where the citizens are living, which is called uptown (I guess. lolz), is not polluted at all!
I just share my opinion. I think this's absolutely can't be called an essay. lolz....

 

[poonpoon_lam]

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